I am sorry and I understand. On June 18th, after several days of light spotting, mostly brown, I went in for an u/s. I was 12 weeks pregnant. The baby had died. We had seen the heartbeat at 8 weeks so we were stunned and shocked and devastated. We were offered a D&C but the thought of my baby being ripped apart was more than I could handle. We opted to go home and wait for a natural miscarriage to start. (We have been trying to get pregnant for about 8 months and had had 3 consecutive 6 week miscarriages before this pregnancy.)
Two days later, I started having cramping and bleeding and passing rather large clots. By late afternoon, I was having full on contractions. Dh and I locked ourselves in our bedroom and waited, wanting to "catch" our baby. It took a while and I was getting very weak, very faint, but I finally passed the amniotic sac, which was still intact. Dh searched gently through it to find our baby. A little while later, I passed the placenta, also mostly intact. I was very sick and bleeding profusely but no way in the world I would go to the ER. (I had a m/c in 2007 and went to the ER. I was treated horrifically. I will never do that again!)
Dh prepared our baby for burial in a lined little box and early on June 21st (6:36 am, 18 years to the minute from when our oldest was born) we buried our angel.
Two days after having the baby, I became extremely ill, lost all color, couldn't stand, etc. Dh went out and bought protein shakes, electrolyte drinks, and iron supplements. I sipped my way through what I could (still refusing to go the ER) and after about 12 hours, I managed to start my way back to the land of the living.
Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since I delivered an angel and physically, I am almost back to normal. (The whole thing caused a UTI, which I am not prone to at all, so that stunk, too!) Emotionally, I wonder if I will ever recover.
Even as hard (and at times scary) as it was, I would always opt for a natural m/c if it is at all possible. The dr also told us that a D&C can, rarely, cause future issues for fertility and carrying a pregnancy.