I am not a case study.

[complexophelia]

I had my first appointment with my OB yesterday, and I was very disappointed.

I went in early (4-ish weeks) because my BP has been hanging out around 140/90, and so we needed to get me on some meds. Easy, right? Just need to get the BP under control, so that I can start out this pregnancy at a healthy pressure. I was excited to see him, because he was the OB who did my c-section with my son, and I really liked him at that time. I waited for an hour and a half after my appointment time before he finally saw me. He never said "congratulations," just, "Wow, Kelley." Fine, I can deal with that You didn't expect to see me, Doctor. I didn't expect to need to come to see you either - surprise pregnancy, remember?

The whole time, he had this intense look on his face - his eyes were shifting like his mind was going a mile a minute. He never smiled once. He told me that I WILL get preeclampsia again, making me feel like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. He kept telling me how sick I was last time. Yes, I know how sick I was, I was there, remember? "Well, you didn't know how sick you were when you came in." No, of course I didn't, because there was no reason for me to know in-depth about pre-e. I know how sick I was now, and it terrifies me.

His attitude made me feel like staying pregnant was a colossal mistake, and when I asked him if he thought it was, he went, "Oh, I would never tell you to terminate." What I wanted him to say was, "No! This is going to be hard, and it's going to be different from your first pregnancy, but it's going to be all right." Eventually, I asked him what was wrong, why he was upset. He said, "No, no, I'm not upset. I'm very excited academically. You're one of a handful of really high risk people who we have."

My MFM, when I talked with him about future pregnancies, said, "Well, maybe you'll get pre-e, maybe you won't. But we'll watch you closely, and if it happens, we'll be in a good position to deal with it." THAT is what I want to hear. I have a good team on my side, who are watching like hawks, who aren't going to be blindsided, who are going to keep me and my baby as healthy as possible. I'm upset with being treated like a walking case study by my OB. Yes, this pregnancy is high risk, but it is a pregnancy. It's exciting. I am growing a new life inside of me. I am a pregnant woman, even if I am a high risk one, and I wish he'd treated me like he treats the healthy women even for a second. He said, "I don't think you're the type to cry when you go home about me not high-fiving you." Well, Doctor, you're wrong. I sobbed so hard in the car (on the hour and a half drive home) that I thought I might fly apart. I thought, over and over, "I can't do this. I don't know what to do." I went from feeling excited and optimistic before the appointment to totally hopeless and no longer wanting to be pregnant afterwards.

Is this similar to how your doctors have treated you in subsequent pregnancies after pre-e? Do you think there's a way I can gently address his attitude with him? He IS a great doctor, and treating women with pre-e is what he does well - he said as much. I just can't deal with being treated like this.