beautiful baby boy

Post On Monday, December 10, 2012 By charmaine

beautiful baby boy

Hello- many people don't know much about pre-eclampsia; I didn't until I had it. This is my story. My name is Charmaine Dawkins and I was 17 and he was 22 when we started trying for are first baby together. I am very mature for my age and we decided we were ready. I fell pregnant first time trying. I was shocked because it can take months, but then I realized there was a beautiful baby growing inside of me and we were so happy. Our family and friends were filled with joy as they could see we were so happy.

I had horrible morning sickness day and night: I would not be able to keep anything down, but I dealt with it. We had all the normal scans and everything was perfect. On my gender scan, I was so annoyed that they didn't have the time, so I booked a private scan for the same day to find out. It took the private midwife 45 minutes before my little baby showed his little man parts. I could then start buying blue clothes and I was really organised- we had the pram and everything we need for a baby nappies; the lot. I had a baby shower at 29 weeks and it was lovely.

30 weeks I got worried. I didn't feel my baby moving much, so on Saturday, I rushed to my local hospital maternity ward and waited, scared and not knowing what was going to be said, but thank god my baby was fine. Couple of days went past and I felt really ill: bad pulsing headache in the same spot, and being sick, but nothing like I had before during pregnancy. I didn't notice my swollen hands or feet because it was summer and it was hot. I didn't connect the dots or the symptoms as no one told me what to look out for.

A week goes by and its a Saturday again and I said to my boyfriend and his family, "the baby hasn't moved yet today," so we went to the hospital and waiting again. A bit more hope then last time because it had only been a week since last here and he was fine... what could happen in a week? Well I was completely wrong. Midwife couldn't get a heartbeat, so she got a doctor in to do a scan and the word nobody should ever have to hear came out of her mouth... ("I am sorry.") She didn't need to say anything else. I heard the same when my Nan died in the hospital. I know what it meant. My heart shattered: I had pre-eclampsia. It occurred in a week. I was book in for the Monday to be induced so I went home. Sunday, the midwife came round and my blood pressure was scary high 160/111 so I was taken straight in. I was induced and gave birth on Monday (June 25). Best and worse day of my life. I didn't know if I wanted to hold my baby because it was so upsetting, but I had been told it is best to because if I didn't I would regret it so I did. Looking back now, I would go over all that pain just to hold my baby boy one more time and kiss his cheek or hold his cold hand hoping his fingers would start to grip around mine. We took loads of photos, hand and foot prints, and we name him Thomas James Stickley. He was then dressed in a Thomas the Tank Engine sleep suit and spent the night with me and my boyfriend in a room. The next morning we had to leave our tiny little baby all alone in that room and say goodbye.

Me and my boyfriend (now fiance) are closer than ever and we are trying again- not to replace Thomas, because no one could ever replace my first baby, but to fill a hole in our hearts and start our little family. When people ask do you have any children, say YES. Do not be ashamed or scared of what they might say. You held your baby for as long as you did and heard the heartbeat, stayed away from foods and drinks you love because they are bad for the baby, had terrible morning sickness and tired all the time, you got to see your tummy grow and see the baby change dramatically in scans. You felt that baby kick and you loved it unconditionally before even knowing him or her. You should be proud to say "yes I did have a baby; yet I can't show for it, but I am still a mummy." Hope this help someone. Things do get better.

Hope to you all. Your bright star will be always in the sky to shine down on you.

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