Missing my son Camden Adam

Post On Sunday, December 14, 2014 By Jacqueline

Missing my son Camden Adam

This is a really difficult story to write because of the sheer trauma of the experience I went through just a little over a month ago. I was diagnosed with chronic high blood pressure over 3 years ago and at the age of 24, that was a very hard thing to accept. I started to lose weight and my blood pressure and cycles regulated after having been almost nonexistent with my excessive weight gain. I fell pregnant during my journey to weight loss in April of 2014. Me and my husband were elated and so excited, I just could not believe that we were finally going to have a baby. I immediately joined the baby forums and started taking part in all those insane conversations. Then I started seeing posts about loss and then deformity at the anatomy scan so I was filled with anxiety at every major appointment. As each appointment passed and Camden looked perfect on the anatomy ultrasound. I thought I was out of the woods but I was terribly wrong.

I was 27 weeks and some odd days when things started to feel funny. I woke up with my right hand being extremely swollen but not my left, or it would switch but both hands were never swollen at the same time. I had no swelling jn my legs or face, so I thought nothing of it. But I never experienced headaches or vision problems. On Halloween of 2014 at 27 and 6 days, I went into my MFM check up and had to go straight to the hospital for monitering because of high bp. That began the week of steriod shots, bpp scans, nst machines, Doppler and bp checks every 4 hours for one week. At 29 weeks I began to feel ill and based on some labs, doctors thought it was a good idea to induce me. My induction didn't work and at 1:36pm on November 8th my son was born via csection weighing 2 lbs 1oz and whisked away to the NICU while I recovered on magnesium for 24 hours. 

He fought very hard for twelve days, overcoming incredible obstacles for a tiny little baby. He overcame his PDA, breathing issues, lung bleeds and endless amounts of scans and blood tests every single day. He gained weight and was becoming bigger every time I saw him. He went from 2 lbs 1oz to about 2 lbs 10 oz in under 12 days. Everyone kept telling me how amazing he was doing and how wonderfully active he was. Then on November 20th our world shattered and he developed a sudden and severe infection of sepsis and passed away that night. This was a complete shock to my and my husband, he was due to come off his breathing tube and everything just a day before and then he was gone. We have been struggling every single day and miss holding his little hand and touching his little fingers and toes. I miss stroking his hair and just staring at him. He looked just like his father, every single thing about him was identical to him. I was so proud and had so much hope that he would be coming home in a few weeks and instead we had to go visit a funeral home for a 12 day old baby. The loss is indescribable, we are in so much pain every single day.

Being a chronic hypertensive my doctors continuously mismanaged my care, never even warning me or educating me on preeclampsia. I had to find out on the Internet what the hell the disease was in the first place. They were late and reluctant to put me on blood pressure medicine when my BP was abnormal for weeks and weeks and also never told me i had abnormal levels of protein in my urine since 24 weeks (I found out through medical records at my postpartum check up after my son had already passed away) and also never informed me of anything that was going on with my blood levels at the hospital. The NICU staff was incompetant and just wanted me to keep signing my son up for ridiculous studies on premature children. The nurses never properly handled germs by washing their hands often before touching children, and unless I told them would not wear gloves to handle his lines and wires. They are the reason my son is not here today and my doctors are the reason he had to be born premature in the first place. More could have been done. I miss my son every single minute of everyday and this is a tragedy I will never recover from. 

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