Infertility, HELLP, & Loss

Post On Saturday, December 05, 2015 By Alyssa

Infertility, HELLP, & Loss

I am new to the site but was hoping to connect with someone with similar struggles. You hear so many stories that are similar in one aspect or another but usually not someone who has dealt with infertility and HELLP. Let me start by telling my story:

My husband and I are highschool sweethearts who married after being together for 10 years. We wanted to be responsible about starting a family so enjoyed our first year together and decided to wait for me to finish school and get established with my job. I finally convinced him to take the plunge. My entire life all I dreamed about was being a mom, never in my life did I imagine it would not be as easy as it was for everyone else. We spent a year and a half in doctors' offices doing labs, sonograms, medications, shots, more sonograms, one chemical pregnancy, over producing eggs, etc. 

On Memorial Day Weekend 2015 we found out our infertility struggle was over, at least for now. We were expecting a baby Jan 30, 2016. All our friends and family knew what we had been through and were beyond excited for us as we were the only ones without children.

The pregnancy went along perfectly. No sickness, I felt great other than a few mood swings here and there. I thought the Lord put us through that journey so I could be more appreciative of the blessings in my life. I was so thankful for this baby I refused to complain about discomforts or weight gain. 

At our 26 week check up my blood pressure was slightly elevated and I had started having some mild swelling in the extremities. I am in the medical field and the blood pressure was no crazy high so I was not too concerned. I was instructed to monitor three times a day over the weekend and do a 24 hour urine and return on Monday. 

My blood pressure was 140s to low 150s/80s-90s. I assumed I would be put on bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy and had accpeted it although I am not one to sit still long. Thankfully the doctor decided to go to L&D and hook up to the monitor just before sending me home and hour and a half away. Little did we know I was actually having contractions. We were admitted and medications were started to stop contractions and control blood pressure... Now diagnosed with preeclampsia. 

As the next days seem like a blur, they discovered my labs were suggesting HELLP. We would be forced to deliver at 27 weeks 4 days. We were terrified, honestly I thought this had to be scariest day of our lives. He came out crying and to our surprise did not have to be intubated. He was a very strong 1lb 15oz baby boy. 

I would remain hospitalized for eight days total and was discharged on blood pressure meds. I was never considered critical but simply took a while for labs to trend in the right direction. Of course I was never concerned about myself, my entire focus was on my newborn baby boy.

After the initial shock wore off that we had a very premie baby we were so amazed at how well he was doing. He was literally the rock star of the NICU. He graduated from CPAP to regular oxygen in a little over a week and was taking feedings well through his tube. We were already imagining life at home with this tiny little boy. On his 13th day of life he had a spontaneous pulmonary bleed and would have to be intubated. Now this was officially the scariest day of our lives. The next two days he would struggle to survive and ultimately went home to be with the Lord on his 15th day in this world, November 19th 2015. He fought so hard but his little body was so tired. 

So now after a year and a half struggle to get pregnant, a seemingly wonderful pregnancy, a strong tiny baby, we were now suddenly leaving the hospital without a baby. I'm sure it can not get any harder than this.

As we continue to grieve the loss of our baby boy, we are terrified of the future. The future with infertility, is a second pregnancy even possible? If it is possible, what risks are we looking at? The Pre-E and HELLP developed at 27 weeks and progressed very quickly. I'm not sure we will survive this happening again. 

So I guess what I'm hoping from this post is to get some insight from anyone that has experienced infertility and HELLP. What was your experience and how have you handled the "next step" as I continue to keep my son's spirit alive and find ways to give back to families in similar situations, and hope for a family one day.

If you would rather reach out by e-mail. My email address is [email protected]

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