Walking for my children, one in my arms, one in Gods arms

Post On Thursday, January 09, 2014 By Brandy

Walking for my children, one in my arms, one in Gods arms

I am a 34 year old mother of 2. I say a mother of 2, because, even though you see only child in my arms, I have the privilege of having one with wings.  

My daughter was born on June 25, 2009 via emergency c-section. Looking back now, it seems like a dream. I was oblivious to what was happening, but could see the fear in my husbands eyes. I remember trying to concentrate on hearing her, I couldn't wait to hear her first cries! It took a while, but there it was, my baby was here and perfect in every way. It's not the birth I had planned on, it's not the time she was expected. But, when the Dr. called and said it was the day, all the planning went out the window! I had Preeclampsia. I didn't know what that was, how I got it, what it meant. So many questions went without answers. It is something that happens, I was told, it's not your fault, I heard the Dr. say. But, the bottom line was, it happened to me, she was here and things were going to be okay.

Fast-forward a few years... we were ready to give our daughter a sibling! We tried and tried for months! Finally, it happened..... I got a pregnant reading on a test! We were thrilled, a part of me was terrified, but I put it in God's hands, and everything was going to be alright. Things started off well, the 1st few ultrasounds were great. In fact, I was at the Dr. on Thursday, two days before my world came crashing down. Everything was GREAT, as well as can be expected. 

Friday night my husband left with my daughter to go visit his parents in Austin. I had a friends baby shower to attend that weekend, so I stayed behind. I noticed my mid-back was hurting, so I laid down early. I woke up in the middle of the night having difficulties breathing. I called the Dr. and she said it sounded like heart burn and told me what to do (with a 15 min window to call her back IF the meds didn't work!) I am stubborn, so I took the meds and went back to try to sleep. The pain was a little better, so I didn't think anything of it. The next morning, while getting ready for the baby shower, the pain came back, STRONG. I called the Dr. and, after yelling at me for NOT calling her back last night, told me to head to the emergency room for some help. After a whirlwind (and what seemed like a million test) later, my Dr. asked me to call my husband. She tried to explain what was happening, but felt it would be best if she talked to my husband instead. (FYI, a Dr. calling you about your wife being in trouble is pretty terrifying when your 3 hours away!) She explained the situation to him and explained how she would try to wait until he arrived, but baby Mason HAD to come RIGHT NOW. It was official, I had HELLP and was on the verge of death. I was in need of platelets, my liver enzymes were off the chart, this was happening, RIGHT NOW. My husband made it the hospital as they were wheeling me to the OR. He kissed me, told me it was going to be okay and was ushered away. 

Mason was born that night at 9:01 pm. He weighed 15oz. and was 12 inches long. He was tiny, and perfect. He was smaller than a coke can, but he was a fighter. He fought to be here, to meet his sister, to join our family. He tried, and fought for 8 days.

I could recall every last gory detail, to this day, almost 2 years later, every step of the horrible day. That day haunts me, maybe I shouldn't have gone to the hospital, maybe they were all wrong, what if I hadn't done this or that, would things be different? Would Mason have lived? Would I have died? O' the wonders of the would'a should'a could'a.... the bottom line, I can't go back, I can't change it, it is all in the past. I am here, I am alive and I am thankful God made me a mother of 2. He just has one waiting for me, watching over me, his sister and his daddy. 

That's my story. I won't let it be my destiny. My goal is to find a cure so no one has to EVER ask themselves what if and why me.

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