On the morning of Tuesday May 13th I woke up feeling “off”. I was 36 weeks pregnant and thought it was just normal 3rd trimester pain. I routinely took my blood pressure as I was monitored for gestational hypertension and was taking labetalol. My BPs were stable on medication, and I also had twice weekly NST. I had just had a NST the day before and all was well. I took my BP on May 13th, and it was at a high level that warranted a call to the OB. It was 142/95. They told me it would be best to come in to be monitored straight away to L&D. I thought maybe I’d get a tweak to my medications but what transpired was something I could never have imagined.

My BP continued to climb once admitted reaching 201/128. My bloodwork came back that my platelets were at 41k along with elevated liver enzymes. It was determined very quickly I was suffering from pre-eclampsia with severe features and class 1 HELLP syndrome. My baby needed to be delivered immediately. I was put on a magnesium drip, the only way I can describe as what it must feel like to be burned alive. Due to my extremely low platelet count a spinal block was not an option so I had to have a c-section under general anesthesia. To make things more complicated I also was on heparin injections due to a previous medical condition. My baby was then taken to the NICU and placed on a CPAP and feeding tube directly from the OR. I was so sick I was immediately transferred to the ICU. While in the ICU I was on magnesium for 24 hours, received blood transfusions and IV meds to keep my blood pressure under control. I also had to have an arterial line in my left wrist to monitor my blood pressure directly.

While I am so joyful I ultimately had a healthy and beautiful baby girl, I am rationalizing why did this have to happen to me? After having 2 previous miscarriages, this birth was supposed to be joyful and fulfilling but instead I completely missed the birth of my baby girl. My husband missed her birth. I did not get to see, hold or touch my baby after birth. I missed her first feed, her first bath, I was not the first to hold her. She was not named for a day. My beautiful girl was born on May 13th at 11:47am and I did not get to physically see her or hold her until May 15th at 2:00pm.

When dealing with survivors of pre-e and HELLP I think it is extremely important to also remember the dads. who while not physically going through it, experience mental and emotional suffering and anguish. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome robbed me of seeing my husband meet our baby for the first time. My husband was not only thrown into being a dad alone to a NICU baby but also had to watch medical teams try to save my life. He witnessed me look my own mother in the face and say “I don’t want to die” before being wheeled away to an OR.

May 13th brought us our beautiful Gemma (now a healthy 4.5-month-old) but it also carries a lot of trauma. It was scary and painful, and we are still processing all that happened. I’m sharing this to bring awareness of major complications from preeclampsia and HELLP that women experience and never talk about. I had heard of preeclampsia, but I didn’t realize how serious it could become, and I never had heard of HELLP syndrome prior to my experience. I’m sharing my story so other moms that did not have a “feel good birth story” feel less alone. I am sharing for the fathers who watched the mother of their child go through something horrific and felt helpless. I am sharing so that if you are pregnant and you feel like something is off - trust your gut and call your doctor and advocate for yourself. It could truly save you and your baby’s lives.