I was perfectly healthy and feeling amazing after struggling with endometriosis pain and infertility before getting pregnant through IVF & FET. My pregnancy was so healing on an emotional level. I started to not feel well at 34 weeks, attributing it to exhaustion and hitting trimester 3. I attended my sister’s wedding, during which my body ballooned to the point I had to borrow my mom’s shoes for the plane home. I felt exhausted and feared I had contracted Covid. My doctor warned me I had gained 10 lbs in two weeks; while my BP was below the threshold, it was high for ME. She ran labs and found protein in my urine. “Pack a hospital bag,” she told me. “The goal is 37 weeks but I don’t think you’ll make it past this one.” I monitored my BP at home and tried to relax.

Once it read high that very night, I went to the hospital. Ultimately, I was diagnosed due to my platelet count and protein in urine — my BP was still “fine” by the typical measures. I was put on magnesium, given steroids for the baby, and told we would start an induction at 35 weeks. “Won’t it fail?” I asked. “At what point will we move to a c section?” I was told we would shift gears when either the baby or I started to decline. “And it’s going to be you. You are very, very sick.” I was alone (my husband was rushing home on an airplane, as were my parents) but grateful the baby would be okay. We began an induction that got me from 1 cm to 3. As I started to feel sicker and my vision started going with my platelets falling, we moved to an emergency c section. The anesthesiologist said I was just at the threshold of being able to stay awake. I was dizzy, nauseous, in and out of consciousness, and shaking violently during surgery. Baby was safe, but I hemorrhaged and needed a blood transfusion. He ended up in the NICU for 10 days. I had to wait 48 hours to see him as I came off the mag.

That was the scariest time of my life, full of hallucinations and the genuine fear that I was dying - but I didn’t want to make anyone worry. The severity and rapid pace of the sickness made it so I couldn’t think clearly - when I hear about women dying, even those who work in medicine and maternal health advocacy, I remember how mentally gone I was, just trying to keep it together for my unborn baby. It was the scariest experience of my life, and I only focused on my son. If I hadn’t had such amazing care, including a doctor who gave personalized recommendations despite my low BP, I wouldn’t be here. I couldn’t see properly for weeks as the swelling behind my eyes remained. After all the healing of a successful pregnancy, I felt like I had failed my son.