I always wanted to be a Mom. My whole pregnancy I couldn't believe I was pregnant and going to get to be a Mom to my baby girl. Everything was normal until 35 weeks. My blood pressure was high, but not "too concerning". The day of my 37 week appointment I woke up with some pain under my right rib cage and I just felt off. I had a headache. I was so swollen. It was August in the Midwest so I thought it was just from the heat. I went in to my appointment. There was protein in my urine. My blood pressure was still elevated. I felt so panicked. Is my anxiety causing this? Am I putting my baby and I at risk because my anxiety is causing me to have elevated blood pressure? My wonderful labor and delivery nurse assured me that my anxiety had nothing to do with what was going on in my body. The induction started, I progressed. Then they decided baby girl needed to be born "now". I didnt know then that my kidneys and liver were labwork wasn't looking good. I remembering laying on the operating table scared, but relieved she was going to be here. My Dr told me she was started. I went unconscious. I missed my daughter's birth. I lost a lot of blood during the c-section. I was in an ICU room. My blood pressure was higher postpartum. I was put on magnesium. I came to a few times and nobody told me was happening. My hemoglobin kept dropping. They administered multiple blood transfusions. My hemoglobin kept dropping. My blood wasn't clotting. I was bleeding internally. I was bleeding internally for 2 days before they called for a CT scan. My hemoglobin was down to a 5, after having 4 blood transfusions. I remember briefly gaining moments of consciousness and saying "everything is blurry". They took me straight from the CT scan into surgery. They went back into my body through the c-section incision. They found that my uterus was oozing blood into my abdomen. The broad ligament on the left side had a gape in it the size of a baseball. Also oozing. They scrapped my uterus. Re-did internal stitches. They removed the broad ligament, fallopian tube and ovary. They cleaned out the blood in my abdomen. I received two more blood transfusions. My body began to heal. My blood pressure starting coming down. I started waking up for longer periods. Preeclampsia took so much. It still hurts me so deeply that I was unconscious when my precious daughter was born. I missed the first few days of her life. She was perfectly healthy and Im so thankful.for that. The second surgery I had caused me to be infertile. The trauma to my uterus was too great. My uterus is filled with scar tissue. I was diagnosed with Ashermans syndrome. My daughter is nine now. She's wonderful and full of life. Sometimes I still find myself thinking "I can't believe how her life started". I cannot believe I wasn't able to care for her after she was born. Preeclampsia took those memories from me. Preeclampsia took my fertility. I live in the dichotomy of joy of my daughter and getting to be her mother and the grief of what happened to my body.